home for the holidays

After being away from home (Texas) for 8 months, i was nervous to come back after such a long time. I expected things to be stressful as they always are because my dad bombards my sister and i with a million errands and a lot of unnecessary stress. My expectations were definitely correct. Since ive been here, christmas break has seemed more like a stressful holiday than it is a holiday full of "christmas spirit". The only kindness i experienced today was from the guy who rings the bell for the salvation army. He kindly opened the door at macy's for my sister and i since we were carrying four huge boxes to be gift wrapped ( a task that was assigned by our dad to do of course.)

Anyways, the point is, coming home isnt somewhere i relax. It is a place where i am tense and stressed. I have to admit however, it doesnt always feel like this 24/7. There are times where i can escape to my cave ( it's what my dad use to call it when i was in highschool) and lay on my bed and relax (as i am doing right now), and there are good days where there is no stress at all--but this is rare. I know im not the only one who experiences this. Life is never perfect.

Lastly, coming home for the holidays reminds me constantly of how my amazing mom isnt here. I miss her dearly and christmas is not the same without her. This picture was the last christmas i ever spent with my mom. As you can tell, my eyes are all watery from crying. I already knew that this would be my mom's last. This is probably the most saddening part of my trip back home. This year, we are spending christmas day with my dad's girlfriend and her daughters. Can you say awkward?? ( i can)

this post is really weirding me out. i cant believe my first post is this depressing! maybe tomorrow will be a better day... we will see.